how many nhs employees to change a light bulb?

Actually, let's not bother with light bulbs, let's concentrate on something more sophisticated, quilt covers.

A hosptital ward requires new quilt covers for the beds, as the old ones have been washed to nothing. Simple you would think, find the budget holder (charge nurse) persuade them to sign off on a set of new quilt covers, et voilà.

Except, this is the NHS. The charge nurse puts request into manager, manager refuses, wants 3 quotes for pricing. Charge nurse takes the hump and puts this task way down their priority list (as a million and one other things to do).

Eventually, manages to get three companies to quote for quilt covers (which is not in the c/n job description and is quite far removed from the 'nurse' bit of their title).

Quotes come back from manager with attachment from health and safety officer to double check quilt covers meet standard required for NHS property fireproofing.
Again, put down charge nurses priority list, but eventually gets round to finding out what the fireproof regulations are for nhs quilt covers and ensures quotes are appropriate. back to manager.

Manager decides the ward budget is already over spent and cannot afford quilt covers at this time, however, suggest filling in the endowment fund application forms (three of them) and requesting quilt covers via that fund.

Much form filling done, request sent off. Endowment manager emails charge nurse, very angry that endowments are being requested for what he sees as essential equipment.

Charge nurse pulls hair out in frustration.

Luckily, a very nice patient dies, his family would like to put some money towards the ward. Charge nurse has a quiet word about the big black hole the money will fall into, and family 'suggest'(with only the smallest bit of prompting) to buy some new quilt covers for the patients/ward.

The above is a true tale